Why Esperanto is not my favourite Artificial Language
The appendices to a comprehensive demolition of Esperanto's pretensions, created 23 October 2001.

Contents
Phonotactic observations
Ambiguities
Absurdities
Country names
Miscellaneous oddities
Quotes
1. Phonotactic observations
"Phonotactics" are the rules which govern what sounds may appear in combination, principally for euphonic considerations; as you should know by now, neither euphony nor phonotactics are important in Esperanto. If, however, you consider the groups which appear at the beginnings of the roots, some interesting observations result; it is up to the reader to decide whether these are accidents of Zamenhof's choice of roots or some indication of a deeper unconscious tendency.

Two types of initial groups of sounds will be considered: clusters of consonants, and consonants followed by vowels. Quite a few of both types are rare enough to suggest that they're unnecessary and could be got rid of with a little effort, making the language easier to pronounce. The following examples are taken from my copy of Millidge's Esperanto dictionary.

Rare initial clusters, in order of the numbers of roots they appear in, are as follows:
fj- ft- hhr- sn- shn- shpr- shtr-
gv- skl- skv- shl- shm-
sf- sm- spr- shv-
kn- spl- shp- shr-
sc- skr- sl-
sv-
More generally, initial consonant clusters may be summarised as follows:
s sh + p t k (not shk)
s sh + m n v
g k sk + n v (not skn)
b d g f hh + l r (not dl hhl)
p sp k sk + l
p sp shp t st sht k sk + r
vagrants: fj- ft- ps- sc- sf-
Note the surprising omissions; in particular there are fewer clusters with l than r and none at all with shk-. Note too that the affricates c ch gh don't form clusters of any sort except for the marginal sc-; this unexplained prohibition strongly suggests that they should really have been regarded as compound consonants all along.

Initial consonants before vowels are also surprisingly distributed. Counts for some single letters (including the accented ones) and kv- are shown below, considering meaningful roots only and ignoring correlatives, specialised (often scientific or medical) roots and names of letters. "=" means "many".
a e i o u total

c- 1 12 27 1 0 41
ch- 19 13 11 1 1 45
gh- 1 7 6 1 2 17
hh- 1 1 3 2 0 8
j- 11 4 0 3 19 37
jh- 7 1 0 2 3 13
k- = 13 13 = = =
kv- 15 4 5 3 0 27
sh- 18 4 10 7 4 43
w- 1 0 0 0 0 1
z- 0 3 3 4 3 13

Note how, in an obvious Slavic bias, e i are preferred after c-; indeed, the only words with ca- co- cu- are the rarely-useful caro "czar" and celo "inch". By contrast, k- prefers a o u; the words with ki- ke- are mostly either "international" (kilogramo, kerubo) or oddities (kelidonio "greater celandine", kitelo "long loose linen coat"). And, while certain combinations are very rare or nonexistent initially (notably ji-), they're common enough medially.

As far as I can ascertain, here are the words in my dictionary which end in specific consonants, ignoring the inflectional endings -n, -s and -j.
-aw: 16 (mostly prepositions/adverbs/conjunctions)
-l: 14 (al el mil ol plus 10 correlatives)
-m: 13 (jam krom mem plus 10 correlatives)
-r: 9 (kvar plus 8 prepositions)
-s: 9 (des ghis jhus ses plus 5 correlatives)
-n: 5 (ajn en kun nun sen)
-k: 3 (dek nek ok)
-p -b -ch -d: 1 each (sep sub ech apud)
In a further remarkable indication of the lack of thought given to phonotactics, three words - cent, trans and post - end in two consonants; Italian has none of these.
2. Ambiguities
I suspect that there are more possible homonyms - words with the same form but two or more meanings - in Esperanto than in any other language; this appendix presents some which arise in various ways via the princples of word-building. Words marked "*" were provided by JBR, and '+' by BL; other contributions are welcome. The assumption is, of course, that in Zamenhof's universe the words didn't actually mean the same as well as merely being the same; otherwise some amusing glimpses into Zamenhof's mind are provided.

The first list contains words which are formed from roots which contain affixes and other roots.
Word Simple root Root + affix
==== =========== ============

acheto a purchase a not very contemptible thing?
a small amount of contempt?
alterni* to alternate to sneeze at
aneto dill (the herb) small member
aro are (measurement) collection
avaro avarice collection of grandparents
avido* greed offspring of a grandfather
balado ballad ballroom dancing
banano banana member of bathing society
boato boat one who is being related by marriage
bombardo bombardment glowing of bombs
bulteno bulletin holding of a lump
centavo unit of currency centanarian
cirkulo circulation circus person; "shoe-polish gnat"!
charpenti to carpent to be sorry for one's chariot (?)
detrui to destroy to make holes from
dieto diet minor deity
diskretoj discretions scattered crayons; nets of disks
eklogo eclogue sudden enticement
ekrano screen a sudden frog!
ekscentra eccentric formerly central
ekscito excitement former mention
ekstero* exterior former world
ekstrakti to extract deal with formerly
eraro mistake collection of particles
etata diminished of a list of officials
fenestro* window master of the Foehn (mountain wind)
filologo philology temptation for a son
geologoj* geologists male and female scientists
germano German germ follower
galero ship's galley piece of bile
granita like granite weighed by the grain; made into grain
gratulo congratulation one who scratches
grenado grenade graining
heroino* heroine heroin
horlogho timepiece hour lodging
ili* they to be instrumental
intermito intermittence a between myth
kalkano heel callus-causing cane;
one who likes burnt chalk
katakombo catacomb a cat-comb
klareta like claret clearish
kokaino cocaine female coca-plant?
koketo coquette little cockerel
kolego* colleague big neck
kometo comet small comma
konkavo concavity pit of knowledge; grandfather with a shell
konkero conquest smallest part of a shell
kontakto contact official document of account;
keeping time of knowledge (???)
korsajho bodice something to do with courses?
korsaro pirate collection of parades/racecourses
korseto corset mini-racecourse
korveto corvette small raven
kromata chromatic chromed
kronometro chronometer crown-metre
kukurbo pumpkin city of cakes
kuriero courier part of the papal court
kvarantena* quarantiney with four aerials
kvartiro quarters four tugs
lastingo shoe stuff last holder
lavenda* lavendery in need of cleaning
legenda legendary needing to read (to be read?)
lekanto moon-daisy one who is licking
mangano manganese one who likes mangos
marmito* casserole sea-tale ("Marmite", surely? - GAE)
misilo* missile tool for missing (from Don Harlow)
modesta modest being fashionable (arguably a near opposite!)
modulo modulation one who is fashionable
monata monthly strewn with money
moskolo muscle mouse's neck
nebula foggy lumpless
nevino niece not wine
papavo poppy grandfather-pope
persono* person sounding-out
pretenda pretend needing to be ready
rabarbo* rhubarb tree-of-prey, triffid
rapido* speed turnip-sprout
revizi to overhaul to re-endorse a passport
rumano* Roumanian rum-club member
salato salad one who has been salted
sardino* sardine female Sardinian
sukero sugar drop of juice
urino urine female aurochs
veterinaro+ animal doctor collection of female weathers;
collection of female elements of gambling
vivisektio vivisection Department of Life
vizito a visit one whose passport has been endorsed

The words in the next list are analysable as two different combinations of roots and affixes.
Word Meaning 1 Meaning 2
==== ========= =========

dignagho swim in a dike age of dignity
dinesto nest in a dike being dignified
eksporto former carrying sudden sport
elfaro accomplishment collection of elves (somehow appropriate)
fiasketo minor fiasco shameful ascetic
filino* daughter dirty linen
fishata fished shamefully appreciated
korpremi to row with the body to press the core
legateco legateship act of being read
pafilego cannon reading about shooting
paprikano pope's sneer one who likes paprika
sentege* emotionally without protection
ventego gale forthcoming covering

Pafilego could also be pa- prefixed to fi-leg-o "shameful reading"; and note that in Esperanto any "large tool" for an action (-ilego) is the same as reading (or literature?) about the action. And note how similar a word like konkhava "having shells" is to konkava "concave", especially if you can't pronounce your H's.

The next few words are ambiguities which result when you use H to replace the accents. (OK, I know these don't really occur in practice, but the point is still valid; the accented letters cause more trouble than they're worth.)
lachoro time for tiredness lace-gold
leghoro time for reading gold-law
mushalto mouse-height fly prevention
mushordo horde of mice order of flies
pashordo passing horde stepping order
reghavo having a king ruling grandfather
reghoro king's hour ruling gold
saghavo having arrows wise grandfather

3. Absurdities
For comic relief, these perfectly valid Esperanto words are just plain silly, either to the ear or to the eye.

agigi cause to act
aliighi become different
alliniigi form in line
balaajhujo dustbin
booto one who is going to be related by marriage
eksperanto former middleman - liable to be rendered by
Italians as _esperanto_
emociighi move the emotions
fojnejoj haylofts
furoraro collection of sensations
interkisado mutual kissing (just why do we need this word, exactly?)
kabanano cottager - nothing to do with bananas!
kakaa made of cocoa
mumiigi to mummify
neeble impossibly
neobeebla impossible (of an order)
pajlshtopi to stuff with straw
praata being antiquated
reretata netted again - it's tempting to add _reretetata_
one of several diminutives
rughighi redden
shatata appreciated
tujujoj plantations for Trees of Life
unuaajho first-fruits
unuajho a unity
unuaeco priority
unueco unity, oneness
vojjuro ruling about roads; nearly impossible to pronounce
vojujoj containers for roads

Note how unuaeco and unueco sound like unua eco "first quality" and unu eco "one quality" when said quickly.
4. Country names
(Thanks to BL again)

Leaving aside the regrettable fact that Esperanto's names for countries are often distorted from familiar forms (mostly ending in -a) by the mandatory final -o, the system of naming countries is still a mess - an impression [TYE 53-4] does nothing to dispel.

Some countries have names formed from a root + -ujo (also -io nowadays, so I'm informed), as with german-uj-o for "Germany"; alternatively and more sensibly you can use -lando, as in Svis-lando "Switzerland". From these names you form the adjective with -a: germana, svisa and the inhabitant with -o: germano. This apparently allows constructions such as germanujo for "non-German resident in Germany".

Other countries form their names directly from the root: awstralio "Australia", awstralia "Australian" (adjective), awstraliano "Australian" (inhabitant). This system of two different methods for expressing the same basic idea is just what you'd expect from Esperanto, given similar irregularities elsewhere.

It gets worse: some country names include lando as part of their root, thus irlando "Ireland", but the Irish are not the iroj, nor are the inhabitants of novzelando the novzeoj, and I bet they're glad of that. And to quote BL directly: "when you come to a country such as moravio, you have to know that it is morav-io, and that the people are morav-oj, and the adjective is morav-a. But with siberio, you have to know that the country is siberi-o, so the people are siberi-anoj and the adjective is siberi-a". So much for "complete regularity"!

And I can't finish this bit without mentioning that the Esperanto root for Germany - german-, with the unaccented G - corresponds to no actual language; Zamenhof can only have arbitrarily chosen it from English without bothering to check its pronunciation. If he could get kimrujo correct, why not dojchlando?

5. Miscellaneous oddities
In which are presented some items of Esperanto vocabulary which don't mean what they should, or mean what they shouldn't.

kulp-igi literally means "to make guilty", but according to the dictionary is "to accuse". As [DYER] points out (last note of pages 86-101), this is "contrary to the spirit of modern jurisprudence".

eks-regh-ighi "ex-king-become" is given as "abdicate", literally "to become an ex-king"... but it's also "to ex-become a king", i.e. what happens when the coronation has finished. Is this some sort of subtle republican message? [TYE 162] also gives "to resign" for eks-ighi and "to put out of office" for eks-igi, which seems to be cutting corners somewhat.

The Al-donoj are Zamenhof's additions to the basic Esperanto vocabulary; their name could mean "things which are given to", or "things to which are given", or "things which give to"; or even "fractions of altos". Hardly "additions" in any logical sense of the word!

el-paroli apparently means "to pronounce, articulate" according to my dictionary, hardly a reasonable equivalent to "to speak out of".

Ne-tush-ebla, "untouchable", is the name of one of Esperanto's sacred texts; it describes Esperanto grammar in full and presumably takes up more than the single sheet of notepaper which Zamenhof originally claimed would suffice. (Or is it written very small?) This word is particularly remarkable, for several reasons:
Is it supposed to mean "not capable of being touched", or "not capable of touching"? The suffix -ebl- could equally well be passive or active.
Or is it "capable of not touching", or "capable of not being touched"? We don't know what the ne- is supposed to affect.
Why is it a calque of "untouchable", when it's surely supposed to mean "never to be *changed*"? Here the language is relying on a foreign idiom which everyone is supposed to know. If you aren't allowed to touch it, how are you supposed to read it?
The stress falls on -ebl-, suggesting to an unwary listener that it's formed from netu + shebla. Whether or not these roots actually exist, and you've no way of being sure that they don't, the potential for confusion is still there.
Note that the word is an adjective (it ends in -a), rather than a noun; you'd expect it to have the -o suffix, since it's surely a "thing".
There seems to be a problem with the concept of "era", as a measure of time. The obvious word, ero, also means "particle" (it occurs as the suffix -er-). My dictionary gives the compound form tempo-kalkulo "time reckoning"; however, this also turns out to be equivalent to tem-pokal-kulo, "theme/topic - drinking cup - gnat". Suggestions?

sagitaro is not a sign of the Zodiac; it's sag-it-ar-o, which works out as "arrow-past tense-collection". Which is, exactly, what?
6. Quotes
Some adverse observations of Esperanto from various sources.

From the Web:
"...to those of us who care about such things, Klingon is far more attractive and more valuable than Esperanto." (Ivan Derzhanski, from Rick Harrison's IAL farewell.)
"It is pathetic to see people wasting their time and their lives on such dreck." (Frank Esterhill, [WIRED].)
"It's true, however, that the grammar of Esperanto is an absolute nightmare for most Asians. Many Asian languages have a much simpler grammatical structure than Esperanto." ([RHD]; Barry Crown in the newsgroup soc.culture.esperanto, October 1992.)
From my bookshelf:
"In more than one respect Esperanto is inferior, and in none superior, to English [...] it would be a bold boast to say that its vocabulary is more international than that of English." (Frederick Bodmer, The Loom of Language.)
"[The author perceived] that English Esperantists find much difficulty ... in applying the affixes of the language for the formation of new words." (from the preface to Millidge's Esperanto-English dictionary.) Most words in this document have been verified against this dictionary.
Some thoroughly contemporary views from a popular newspaper:
"We need one language for universial communication, and since it will not be Esperanto then without a doubt it will be English." (French prime minister Lionel Jospin, quoted in The Scotsman, 12 October 1998.)
"The artificial language Esperanto was so 19th-century. Its followers were chained to their desks [...] fearing that a participle might dangle or a suffix might brazenly caress an affix." (Tricia Tomiyoshi, in The Scotsman, 16 February 1999. Note the use of the past tense! This remark is technically inaccurate, but the point is still valid: you can't speak Esperanto properly without a thorough knowledge of what you can and can't do according to the grammar.)
"Languages [...] have a depth and body in the life of a community and that is why made-up languages like Esperanto fail." (Jim Halliday, same article.)
And the proof of the pudding, from my mailbox:
"I found better movements to belong to, and for the purpose of tourism, learning, etc. have found it more useful and more interesting to learn other languages." (A "reformed Esperantist" correspondent, private e-mail.)

pârsi sepas eo دوشنبه 12 آبان 1393 ساعت 09:56

dorud
âri esperânto basyâr xub ast bež(vali) ba ce bahâi? ba bahâ ye nâbud šodan e nežâd?

(doraga o candnežâda šodan) yâ nâbud šodan e zabân e mâdari? yâ nâbud šodan e

farhang o melliyat? asarhâ ye bad e engli(english) âškâr ast. mipendâram badihâ o

ziyânrasânihâ ye (andar kanâr e sudrasânihâ ye basyâr) esperânto az engli basyâr bištar

xvâhad bud agar hama in zabân râ ba kâr barand yâ jây e engli râ begirad. andaki niz az

tabâhkârihâ ye esperânto soxan berânid. bišak na esperânto na engli andar zât o ba xvadi

ye xvad na bad o palid and; o in mâ im ke bâ in abzâr/padida ye nik ba xvištan

ziyân/sud mirasânim.
beengârid siyâstmardân in zabân râ bepadirand tâ ce andâza xvâhand tavânest barây e

âmâjhâ ye nâfarxonda (šum) e xviš az ân bahra bordan. sepâs xodây râ ke nâdustdârân

nâpoštibânân e esperânto siyâstmard and o digarân niz basyâr and. behtar ast badin

padida yakfarâmuni (yak boodi) nenegarim.